Past two days of Eid vacations wasted in fever. Finishing up the work tonight, my first instinct is to sleep or think I can wake up and do this afterwards. But I know for a fact that if I don't do this now, it won't get done, and in the end I'll be in hell. I think, right now, I needed just a little bit of positive something. How much of a difference a kindly voice saying "keep at it, you can do it, you always work hard, you can do this" or something like that can make, I realised that yet again today. I guess, even if you make new friends, the difference of someone who really knows you saying something and of someone who has just gotten to know one side of you, really makes a huge difference.
Back in the gaming days, I still went by that code. The past two years, I couldn't return to it, no matter how much I tried, it was like that part as permanently broken. Today, one more time, I'll be able to try. I'll still somehow pull through. If I survived that time, I can still survive this.
Tatoe donna ni muzukashi koto demo, yatterareru, aa, darekaga miteageru, mitometeageru, atashi no zenryoku wa muda jyanai tte koto wo mata oshietekurete arigatou. Arigatou Lee, kimi no yasashisa ni mata tsukuwareta. Nanka... itsumo osewani natteru yo ne, arigatou, hitori demo, dekiru, tatta hitori demo, atashi no koto shijitekureru hito ga aru nara, yareru.
I get back to work as Suzuki Konomi's Choir Jail pulls at my heart and reminds me that it's my go to song at times like this.
Watashi wo akete, konna kurushisa de nanimo mienai...
This is literally my personal rambling so don't read if you don't want to read random incoherent stuff which is going to probably make you want to ask a lot of questions which I probably don't have answers for, or if you don't want to waste time trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about.
At the start of the holidays, I got stung by a weird honey bee and my hand was almost unable to function properly due to swelling, it's recovered a lot but still somewhat painful. I spent time just being in bed watching anime, even scrolling to read manga was painful. Needless to say, I'm way behind schedule.
I ran into someone online today, just for a few minutes, they talked about old movies in that shortest possible time, and I got reminded of how much I loved watching movies, romcoms mainly. Not the ridiculous ones that are made now (some are still really nice), but more in the like of The Wedding Singer and You've Got Mail and While You Were Sleeping and my all time favourite, The Lake House. somehow, I find that sort of stuff so believable and beautiful. The soft, lovely soundtracks, the gripping BGM, the very beautiful way of making the impossible possible as if by magic. Where people understand each other when they exchange words. Where instant messaging isn't a thing, and people are patient and can wait and genuinely care. Where 'moving on' isn't a thing and people put their heart and soul into making things work, I wonder why people say that it's a girl's thing to watch... Isn't it a wonderful thing to be able to talk and care about each other? Does it make a guy less manly if he's able to devote his life to one woman and pursue her till she's not able to say no cause she believes in his sincerity?
Movies like this remind me of Emma, and of Jane Eyre, of the magic that Cecelia Ahern spins and of the old English Classics that I grew up reading. Why is it wrong to think like that in today's time? Being able to love someone wholeheartedly, is now called a weakness...why? Isn't it the most courageous thing to do? Being able to completely believe in someone and take a chance against the odds is something that should only be limited to books and movies? You'll get hurt, a lot, a lot of times you'll face utter and complete disappointment and despair, but...isn't it all about the silver lining in the end? Even if things don't work out, isn't picking up the pieces again and starting off again, something that should be believed in? Of course, life isn't a fairy-tale (I just wrote fairy tail then had to edit), everything doesn't go as you plan, the other person involved might not see things in the same light as you, but, being afraid of the results before you even start would really not get things anywhere... I feel like, giving up is something that you should do after you've tried everything in your power to make something work.
saisho kara akiramechattara, nanimo hajimaranai kara, korondemo, kizutsuketemo, kokoro ga boroboro ni nattemo, akiramechattara, mou ippo de todokesou na basho made mo todokanai kara... akiramenaide, ganbatte, kitto nanikaga matteru, donna ni kurushii hibi ga attemo, kanashimi no mokou de, zettai darekaga matteru kara, akiramenaide, mou ichidou mae e susume... sono saki wa zettai nanika aru hazu. Maa, koko wa atashi jishin wo hagemasu tameni mo arukedo... ne, atashi ganbatteta ne? saisho kara saigo made, nanimokamo yatte mita deshou? mou yasunde ii no ne? kondo wa dareka atashi wo mitsukete kureru ban dayone?
After a very hectic, what seemed like a year, finally, the holidays have started. True, they won't last long, it's just one month, that too will be the fasting month so the number of things I can do will be limited. I also decided to keep teaching my ESL classes since I unexpectedly had people showing up at my house asking to be taught during the holidays ._______. I immediately regretted after saying yes since I realised it meant I won't get to slack off and binge watch anime, sleep when I want, wake when I want and in short laze my life away for the month of June. But in a way it's a good thing, now I'll follow a proper time table to an extent. Now the things I need to do during this month...
1. Teach my ESL Class.
2. Make all the lesson plans for the entire year so I don't have to go crazy every month trying to find ways to plan new activities and ways of teaching.
3. I have to make a list of all the anime series I have in a proper alphabetical order in an excel file.
4. Record at least 3-4 song covers.
5. Make a list/index my anime merchandise collection so I know what the heck I even have.
6. Make a few karaoke video (if YouTube fails me) for my anime event.
7. Design at least 10 T-shirts.
8. Design at least 15 Mugs.
9. Make at least 20 Calender.
10. Make a bunch of wallpapers/posters in very high quality so that they can be used for printing.
11. Disinfect my laptop from the virus that has crept in from God knows where.
12. Finish or at least get close to finishing my PennFoster course.
13. Clean up my room and organise it in such a way that I don't have to stress about cleaning during the year when work starts and I don't have time to even sleep.
14. Make sight words in a decorative and innovative way for my class.
15. List all my anime items on the Facebook Page.
16. Sell all my items from my Jade Dynasty account and hopefully close the account altogether.
17. Update and relist all the items from my account to my blog so people can buy.
18. Perfect my hiragana and get on to katakana.
19. Learn how to do mastering better.
...I pull up this huge list in my half asleep state... I wonder what I'll get if I was actually properly alert and awake -___-;; guess I'm not going to be taking it easy even during the holidays. I WILL, however, complete at least two series and 3 manga which I had been dying to try for a very long time now -.-;;
Time to sleep, to the voice of Susumu Hirasawa telling the story of Byakkoya no Musume.
though the lyrics are ever so slightly off/could be worded better in some parts, I find this video quite breathtaking and matching with the intensity of the song, not to mention of the movie from which the song itself came.
Found an epic Kaito/Kagamine Rin version as well
As a last thought that I got while looking up the videos to add to the post, I so despise when people say "You only like Japanese music because you understand what it's saying, we cannot like it when it's not in our language and we have no idea what it means". SO.NOT.TRUE! I used to have the Flame of Recca and Ninku opening and ending memorised when I didn't even know a word of Japanese. You needn't have a perfect fluency in Japanese to appreciate good music, there are things called subtitles, there are people who're willing to upload subtitled videos to help people who like music and want to understand what is it that's being said in the songs. Japanese music is beautiful, like a multifold story unfolding with each note, like a folklore full of mystery and wonder just waiting to be discovered by someone who'd be as excited listening to it as the one who made it was when he/she made it.
Be a little more open-minded, it's a huge wonderful word outside that you're missing out cause you're not willing to leave your norm and your comfortable, familiar zone.
So I finally finished the math test and miraculously got a 100. Shocked, cause when it comes to math I'm wonderful at getting lost and confused.
But luckily it's done and over and I don't have to deal with Math again for a while. Thanks, Will, your supportive talk motivated me to actually give it another try ^^
Moving on, I've been reading up on my Kanji and other Japanese studies. Hopefully, by July I'll be able to clear the JLPT N5 and N4 and probably get a decent job in Japan *-*
I'll be going for the Vocal Training class in a little bit, I want to try and see how much I can learn by the end of that course. That being said, I just realised, I've been skipping and hopping around way too many professions and things... I hope eventually one of them leads me to be able to work in Japan @_@...
debating if I should take an hour nap before the class... but what if I can't wake up >w<...
For those who came to find a part of themself here, I hope this place will heal you and help you... leave me comments, it'll let me know if I was able to reach out and help even a single person it'll mean a lot...
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WARNING FOR ANIME LOVERS, THIS SITE CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS, ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK !!!!
