Kerala Fourth Week -Thoughts and Reflections-

As the time to leave draws closer, I keep thinking back to what I felt when I first came here. I'm thankful to Shattik for making me experience this. Truly, I have ways to go before I can really learn to be like everyone else. The majority of the students, if not all, are here with the mindset that once the course is over they don't really have to talk to each other or put up with each other... I wonder if I'm the only naive one that thought that this would be a great chance to get to know people from different places and different backgrounds?

I had fever since yesterday, right now I'm sitting at home working on my Learner's Profile and after that my Material Assignment and the lesson for Monday. There's a dead silence in my apartment. To the suffocating point. I wonder why people cannot look at each other as just people instead of labeling them as so or so. Maybe, if they accepted people for who they are, maybe, just maybe, things would go better for everyone. If there's an argument, isn't it better to just let go of the things and move on instead of holding a grudge and thinking that things can't get better? I wonder if I'm too naive still. Even so, I want to get along with everyone, if you could sacrifice some bit of your ego and just smile at the other person, things should be able to work out. But then, there's the part of the other person that doesn't want to give in... I still don't know how to change that. Mom used to say "you can only control yourself, you cannot control how others think or behave", I see how it works out in the real world. Even though, I've gone through this same experience during my gaming years, still, I still want to believe that if someone is sincere the feelings do get through. Maybe not all the way, maybe not at once, but it does, in time it does. The people I want to reach to, I don't know what sort of hardships they had to go through since they usually don't want to talk about it, but I know that I want to understand them and get to know them better. I still don't know how to reach out to someone who's closed themselves, but maybe if I keep working on it, little by little, maybe we can come to an understanding or maybe they'll learn that not everyone is out there to take advantage of you.

When I leave here, I want to be able to be friends with everyone, be in contact even after we go our own ways, of course it won't be like it is now, but still, maybe something will remain. Not everything is dark and black, maybe somewhere, if you try to search for it long enough, there's still light, there's still hope... sekai wa, tsuteta mon jya nai kara, doryoku sureba, nanikaga kawareru hazu. For sure, if you work hard enough, something could change. For now, I don't want to change my way of thinking, I might be naive and I might be silly for thinking this way, but I still want to believe in the better part of people. One day for sure, people will be able to believe in each other.