Finally the Holidays Start...

After a very hectic, what seemed like a year, finally, the holidays have started. True, they won't last long, it's just one month, that too will be the fasting month so the number of things I can do will be limited. I also decided to keep teaching my ESL classes since I unexpectedly had people showing up at my house asking to be taught during the holidays ._______. I immediately regretted after saying yes since I realised it meant I won't get to slack off and binge watch anime, sleep when I want, wake when I want and in short laze my life away for the month of June. But in a way it's a good thing, now I'll follow a proper time table to an extent. Now the things I need to do during this month...

1. Teach my ESL Class.
2. Make all the lesson plans for the entire year so I don't have to go crazy every month trying to find ways to plan new activities and ways of teaching.
3. I have to make a list of all the anime series I have in a proper alphabetical order in an excel file.
4. Record at least 3-4 song covers.
5. Make a list/index my anime merchandise collection so I know what the heck I even have.
6. Make a few karaoke video (if YouTube fails me) for my anime event.
7. Design at least 10 T-shirts.
8. Design at least 15 Mugs.
9. Make at least 20 Calender.
10. Make a bunch of wallpapers/posters in very high quality so that they can be used for printing.
11. Disinfect my laptop from the virus that has crept in from God knows where.
12. Finish or at least get close to finishing my PennFoster course.
13.  Clean up my room and organise it in such a way that I don't have to stress about cleaning during the year when work starts and I don't have time to even sleep.
14. Make sight words in a decorative and innovative way for my class.
15. List all my anime items on the Facebook Page.
16. Sell all my items from my Jade Dynasty account and hopefully close the account altogether.
17. Update and relist all the items from my account to my blog so people can buy.
18. Perfect my hiragana and get on to katakana.
19. Learn how to do mastering better.

...I pull up this huge list in my half asleep state... I wonder what I'll get if I was actually properly alert and awake -___-;; guess I'm not going to be taking it easy even during the holidays. I WILL, however, complete at least two series and 3 manga which I had been dying to try for a very long time now -.-;;

Time to sleep, to the voice of Susumu Hirasawa telling the story of Byakkoya no Musume.

though the lyrics are ever so slightly off/could be worded better in some parts, I find this video quite breathtaking and matching with the intensity of the song, not to mention of the movie from which the song itself came.

Found an epic Kaito/Kagamine Rin version as well

As a last thought that I got while looking up the videos to add to the post, I so despise when people say "You only like Japanese music because you understand what it's saying, we cannot like it when it's not in our language and we have no idea what it means". SO.NOT.TRUE! I used to have the Flame of Recca and Ninku opening and ending memorised when I didn't even know a word of Japanese. You needn't have a perfect fluency in Japanese to appreciate good music, there are things called subtitles, there are people who're willing to upload subtitled videos to help people who like music and want to understand what is it that's being said in the songs. Japanese music is beautiful, like a multifold story unfolding with each note, like a folklore full of mystery and wonder just waiting to be discovered by someone who'd be as excited listening to it as the one who made it was when he/she made it.

Be a little more open-minded, it's a huge wonderful word outside that you're missing out cause you're not willing to leave your norm and your comfortable, familiar zone.

Servamp Manga - Chapter 1-9 - Thoughts and Reflections ~

since I usually just watch the first episodes of onging series to get the feel of the voices and etc, I did the same with this one. After watching the first episode I switched to the manga, took a while to read just 9 chapters cause there was a lot going on and I didn't really have the chance to read, however, I'm glad I did. I'm really hoping that the anime picks up where the manga stopped. I think this series is somewhat similar to Natsume Yujinchou, heavily focused on the feels. I love how it steadily introduced characters and the backstories, and how you can relate to them cause of the super deep detailing, I haven't had this much feels since Natsume Yujinchou and Fruits Basket. They really need to update the manga and I really need to be able to read Japanese soon -.-;...

The way it was for Sakuya and Mahiru, I wonder if in real life friends actually think like that about each other? People usually change after a small conflict, for the sake of greed, for their own benefit, and for many different reasons. As I read the last two chapters, I kept thinking back on how many, many friends from the Maple Story times till now, I've believed in who have let me down... I wonder if it's really that easy for people. I wonder why I was never able to do that myself, so many times when I was told that the person I was going around doing so much for, is laughing at me behind my back, or is just using me, why did I keep on believing in them only to get back-stabbed later on. I still don't know why people change, it's already been 10 years +, I'm older but none the wiser. Even now, the people I called friends, I believed in them and truly thought of them as such, and 10 years later, it still hasn't changed. People still use me and I still get shocked when I learn how they felt about the relationship was never the same as me. Even now, I still end up getting attached, getting close, and getting hurt, but I still feel, it's better to be able to believe in people than doubting them from the start. Maybe my thinking style is really silly for this sort of world that I live in where people see each other as something to use or a stepping stone, but I think, I believe, that even if 99 out of 100 people that I believed in, change on me and betray me, even if I find one person, the one and only person would be worth going through all that suffering cause that one person would be the person who'd actually see me and feel for me as I do for them. My roommate in Kerala used to say something around the lines of "people are only together to take advantage of each other and to use each other, no need to get attached and no need to get close, once you're done with what you're there for, each will go their own way". But see, true as that might be, maybe someone doesn't feel like that, maybe someone out there would actually want someone they could depend on and open up to, who'd do the same for them, I don't think everyone in the world is that selfish and that disbelieving, I don't think there's no hope for this world, and I don't think people are stepping stones. 

I'm thankful to have friends who've helped keep my faith strong, Maddy, Rell, thank you.

Servamp Episode 1 - Mahiru and Kuro Review - ~Thoughts and Reflections~

It all started when my fave YouTube singer JefferzKM tweeted the ending song of the series. I listened to it, watched the upbeat video and I got super interested and looked it up.
The song itself is amazing. Sunlight Avenue by Takuma Terashima, one of my top fave Seiyuu. I'll for sure one day do a cover of this song. It's been a long time since I was forced to watch an anime just because of it's open/ending song :x The last time was with Nurarihyon no Mago and it blew me away as well.
Uhm back to the anime review, it gave me flashbacks of Usagi Drop when I saw the first minutes.

The opening came soon after, I didn't pay much attention to it cause it wasn't much my type of song but it was not bad overall, "Deal with" by OLDCODEX.

The next part shows the main guy (Mahiru) all grown up and in school. He apparently takes up all the jobs that other people don't want to take up in class and is a cheerful friendly kid liked by everyone. Reminded me a bit of Kuronuma Sawako from Kimi ni Todoke, a bit more cheerful version of hers.

Mahiru picks up a cat in the street one day and and takes it home. Naming it Kuro, little knowing that this changes his life forever. When he goes back to his house after school he sees...

He finds the person who calls himself...

Lol! 

So far so good it's a pretty funny story... or so I thought till...

Yeah... it takes a really gore turn :x ... I'm not gonna spoil the story further but this, truly, is gonna be a masterpiece of an anime if they manage to keep it like this first episode. I'll read the manga then watch the rest of the episodes afterwards.

By the way... the way Mahiru looks is sooooooooooo familiar...

Mahiru - Servamp

Now look at...

Shintani Hinata - Kaichou wa Maid Sama!

And then....

Souda Manatsu - Red Data Girl

A little food for thought :P

ここから さき え。。。From here on, what should I do?

I got my CertTESOL certificate today. I did good considering I had no practical teaching experience so I'm happy with my grade. I was expecting much worse ^^:

Then, my favorite Youtube Idol JefferzKM tweeted a song from a new anime that I think hasn't even started airing yet, and I'm yet again, all confused. I realize again and again, that is where my passion truly lies. I direct my attention towards different things, more practical things, but I'm pulled by even the smallest thing from this side... hon'nosukoshi demo, miraretara kokoro ga yurete, hikareteshimau... what should I do to be practical while being true to myself?

I get the, 'act your age' line all the time but, how do you behave like a grown up? My roommate in Kerala also said similar things, but I wonder, what does it mean to be a grown up? otona tte nan deshou? just because you're older, do you have to rip apart yourself and pretend to be something you're not? I get that once you're older, have responsibilities and things to consider before doing things, and there are certain priorities in life. But, why can't we be ourselves while doing that? I get shunned a lot for my passion for anime and the much I'm into Japanese language and culture. Just because I'm not a usual Indian person, how does it make me any less grown up?

I like making anime style graphics.
I like singing Japanese songs.
I like watching anime and reading manga.
I like Vocaloids.
I like reading about Japanese culture and history.
I like experimenting with cooking instead of making traditional food all the time.
I like the rain and the sky and night time view of places.
I like listening to youtube covers of anime song and different Japanese songs.
I like finding new creative things.
I like photoshop and paint-sai.
I like traveling and checking out new places.
I like adventures.
I like discovering new things and exploring.
I like finding talented people and feeling happy that people can be so creative.
I like the smell of the earth after rain and the smell of the air before it rains.
I like books.
I like music, especially Japanese music.

I don't like clothes shopping that takes forever.
I don't like having a whole army of bags to match every outfit, two three that go good with different occasions are enough.
I don't like backstabbing girl talk.
I don't like praising people without meaning it.
I don't like talking to people who have a closed mindset about things.
I don't like people who don't open up and expect me to.
I don't like dull, non creative things.
I don't like muddy roads.
I don't like people who question everything just to annoy people.
I don't like people who criticize others or judge others without knowing their circumstances.
I don't like the fact that I can't go on the roof at night anymore.
I don't like the tall buildings and city lights that make it hard to see the stars at night.
I don't like being a stick in the mud and following exactly what everyone else is doing.
I don't like being unable to choose how my life turns out, but then again, who can...

Inside my head, everything is a jumbled mess.

I don't want to stay in my hometown but I don't have a choice otherwise. I want to go teach and live in Japan or South Korea... this isn't my place to be, this isn't the life I want to choose, and yet...

I have a new teaching job, probably starting in August here in my own city. I don't particularly want to do it. It's not a bad job, but it's not what I want to do.
If only I had more time, if only I could change something about my life, if only life was not so unfair.
I want to continue my cover singing on Youtube. I don't care if I'm an insignificant nobody compared to the other amazing singers, it is what makes me happy. I love doing that. I want to translate more songs. Write more. Get the time and atmosphere so I can read more of Min's poetry. I want to make more beautiful pictures in photoshop. I still have to learn katakana and kanji. Why is there so much that I want to do and yet barely any chance or time to be able to do it... jinsei tte..fukoheina mono desu ne...

AHHHHHHHHHH whatever =.= ... I'll just go make some graphics that always helps -.-;

Back Home

I missed out on the fifth week post because of exam and running all over the place buying gifts for people, truly a hectic week.
Now I'm back home. Managed to get here before Ramadan ended and will be able to help with Eid preparation. In a way it was good that my Bangalore trip got cancelled I guess. I was much more needed here.

The question remains however, now what?  I should focus on finishing my arena course and my Penn foster one. I haven't been on Jade Dynasty in forever.  Need to set up a website to sell all the items I have there as well. I wonder if I should quit now. None of the old people seem to be coming back... I cannot reach jsrf anymore which is yet another stressful thing for me, though I try not to think about it. Stressing isn't going to help, better to just try to find a distraction or solution for the time being.  I think a lot changed in me after this trip. I have so much that I need to think about that it frightens me.

I started Usagi Drop that Min recommend long ago on the bus journey from Ernakulam to Angamaly before. I finished it last night when I was awake in pain. It had me thinking about so many things again.  I wonder if I should just try living alone for now... how will I manage such a small child... but I think I can if I try. First to get a job and pass my exams.  I need to increase the qualifications that I hold right now... there's just so much for me to do it's scary...

Nande hitori ni shita no..?  Sabishi deshou, kowakute mo naite ii toko wa mo inakunatta. Kaeru basho wa mou inai. Semete renraku gurai shite yo... atashi anna ni tsuyoku nai mon... shitteru deshou... nanoni nande? Ikusaki wa...makkura da yo... anata wa doko...?

Kerala Fourth Week -Thoughts and Reflections-

As the time to leave draws closer, I keep thinking back to what I felt when I first came here. I'm thankful to Shattik for making me experience this. Truly, I have ways to go before I can really learn to be like everyone else. The majority of the students, if not all, are here with the mindset that once the course is over they don't really have to talk to each other or put up with each other... I wonder if I'm the only naive one that thought that this would be a great chance to get to know people from different places and different backgrounds?

I had fever since yesterday, right now I'm sitting at home working on my Learner's Profile and after that my Material Assignment and the lesson for Monday. There's a dead silence in my apartment. To the suffocating point. I wonder why people cannot look at each other as just people instead of labeling them as so or so. Maybe, if they accepted people for who they are, maybe, just maybe, things would go better for everyone. If there's an argument, isn't it better to just let go of the things and move on instead of holding a grudge and thinking that things can't get better? I wonder if I'm too naive still. Even so, I want to get along with everyone, if you could sacrifice some bit of your ego and just smile at the other person, things should be able to work out. But then, there's the part of the other person that doesn't want to give in... I still don't know how to change that. Mom used to say "you can only control yourself, you cannot control how others think or behave", I see how it works out in the real world. Even though, I've gone through this same experience during my gaming years, still, I still want to believe that if someone is sincere the feelings do get through. Maybe not all the way, maybe not at once, but it does, in time it does. The people I want to reach to, I don't know what sort of hardships they had to go through since they usually don't want to talk about it, but I know that I want to understand them and get to know them better. I still don't know how to reach out to someone who's closed themselves, but maybe if I keep working on it, little by little, maybe we can come to an understanding or maybe they'll learn that not everyone is out there to take advantage of you.

When I leave here, I want to be able to be friends with everyone, be in contact even after we go our own ways, of course it won't be like it is now, but still, maybe something will remain. Not everything is dark and black, maybe somewhere, if you try to search for it long enough, there's still light, there's still hope... sekai wa, tsuteta mon jya nai kara, doryoku sureba, nanikaga kawareru hazu. For sure, if you work hard enough, something could change. For now, I don't want to change my way of thinking, I might be naive and I might be silly for thinking this way, but I still want to believe in the better part of people. One day for sure, people will be able to believe in each other.

Happy New Year

From the Delhi rape case, to the orphaned children in wars, let's hope and pray that the coming year can be free of all that threatens the entire humankind.
Live and let live.
Let's make this new year a better one from the last.
Wishing you all a wonderful year to come.

Light a Candle ~ Thought Provoking

So I usually don't do site reviews on my blog but this particular site I happened to stumble upon touched me.
I was browsing a site which I went to from card dropping, they had a link for this site saying it's to light a candle, being such a serene romantic thing I went to look, first page was very rushed just trying to see what it was about, as I went further though it turned into something really nice, by the time I was done I was convinced I was on one of the most touching sites on the net :)

Give them a try they deserve it. Go Light a Candle today :)

Bokura ga Ita ~ Episode 1-4 ~ Thoughts & Reflections

Episode 1-4 :

I know I already properly reviewed it so it's just my personal thoughts after re watching it after over a year...

Before my drive which had my reviews until episode 17 crashed, around same time Lee told me Yano was like him, some unexplainable feeling kept me from watching it after that, I don't know why... I guess I got afraid to start something I won't be able to finish maybe... because at that time I was certain I'm gonna die, but after that I couldn't talk to him anymore so... I wonder if that will ever be able to change... Nao said... you're not talking to him because you choose not to. Chigau yo... I'm afraid is more like it, what if he says "anata mitai na yowai hito nante nee san nara iranai kara" I guess I want to hold on to my one and only little brother in my memory for as long as I can... I'm afraid of the mintue he says he's disappointed in me and doesn' need me anymore... Taka said... "talk to him, if he's really as you tell him to be, he'll surely understand". But I'm afraid still... I already know he doesn't need me anymore... but if he puts it into words I think something inside me would break into pieces so bad and so noisily that I wouldn't ever forget the sound of it and would never be able to fix it... kowai... I wonder, maybe when I'm able to fix everything else in my life, maybe then I can actually face him and talk to him like before, maybe then he won't be disappointed in me. hoshii katta... anata mitai na otouto, zutto hoshi kattanda... donna fuuni iereba ii no... donna kotoba de wakaru... konna kurushii hodo naiteru kimochi ga iya da ya... tada isshou ni itai.. kikitai.. aitai na no ni.. doushite ieru toki dake yowai... aitai.. totemo, itai hodo aitai.. tatta hitori no otouto da ya, suki da yo.. motto hanashitai, anata ni naitai, anata itsumo soba ni iru no ni doushite ima sakebi demo kikoenai... ...dunno... I've been thinking of him more and more as more time keeps passing, feels like the distance between us just keeps growing... who should I blame...

When you love someone, the tiniest things stand out too much, the simple change of tone, one second delay of response, one averted gaze, the tiniest thing manages to put you feeling like something happened or the person dislikes you or is upset at you, the tiny little things you don't notice about other people, the little things you normally ignore about others, you become so sensitive to it when it's that one person... scary... 4:53 AM 31st March 2011 (Wow, I been thinking so much behind time, I put in 2004 instead of 2011 lol..)

Kaichou wa Maid Sama/会長はメイド様~ Anime ~Thoughts and Reflections

Kaichou wa Maid Sama 1-26: 21st March 2011 3:17 AM:

So while I was waiting for the morning to arrive so I can go back to where I live I finished watching the whole series.
I loved the chara designs, I'll be making a lot of cute graphics from it when I finally get my hard drive fixed and get my stuff back.

Typically cute cute Love story, it took me a LONG time to get thise series in proper subs, the first three times I donloaded it in high quality it turned out to have french and resssuian subs andd once purly raw @_@. I think this is one of the series that took me a LONG time to find. I decided I'll do a full series after thought instead of episode by episode, mou... I already endured waiting this long x.x

The story line goes about a strict student council president, Ayuzawa Misaki, who's the first female 'kaichou' in a school that recently became a co-ed and is short on girls, she tries desperetly hard to makee the school better for females. Enters Usui Takumi (Takumi made me think of Nana sooooo bad >.<) a major heartbreaker who makes girls cry cause he keeps rejecting them. Kaichou has a certain secret that she doesn't want anyone to know and ironically it's Usui who accidently finds out and protects it.
Throughtout the series it's a FRUSTRATING no-I-will-not-put-my-feelings-in-words contest >__<

The end was... Abrupt, I'll need to really read the manga to fill out the spaces the anime left, a LOT of details are missing about Usui and other people, which keeps you thinking OMG WHAT THE HELL!!!! my first impression was Usui being a tortured poor little rich boy who's stuck in a rich family, but they gave no details to his origin. I loved the Episode about the 'San Baka's past. I liked the character of Aoi, it would have developed really nicely if they had tried. The people who have read and watched Fruits Basket will identify with my irritation, I was lucky to have read the manga first, the anime leaves a LOT of questions in your mind, same like this anime. I was hoping Aoi's char to develop into something like Momiji. Then there's the mini Usui in the opening and ending... confusing.

The entry of Hinata Shinatani was refreshing and thought provoking, I loved his char most in the series other than Sakura. I totally fell for him, I didn't like the ending he got. I wish I could make them change it, it was horrible T~T.

The opening and ending tracks are really nice, my personal fave is the first ending song, really deep... "I want you to tell me what's bothering you, even if it's just a tiny part of it. I'll carry it with both my hands." I don't know why that part just made me so so sad, it was like something my little brother once said to me when I didn't talk about Tamahome to anyone... a precious painful secret that was too much to hold just inside, and he listened and listened for ages while I wept and cried like a child holding my cell to me sitting on the bathroom floor just quietly weeping afraid to raise my voice and cry out loud... but he always listened quietly and patiently, and even though I was the onee san, it was like it was always him protecting me... it's been so long since then and so much has changed... but I still remember the exact feeling from that time, ima demo, kawaranai...

The triangle with Hinata, Usui and Misaki, made me think a lot of things, even though he loved her for so long, even thought he never forgot her, even though he seeked after her so much... I wish I could change the story a little bit, but then I would feel horrible for Usui...

Ne.. ai te nani... when you love someone so much so much, and you end up losing them to someone else, but if then you're able to see them smile, that's such an amazing feeling. If you had to choose between someone who's loved you seriously for a long long time and had eyes for just you, and someone who you can't keep your eyes off even though he's impossible to be with and maybe feels the same, who would you go for? Either way someone gets hurt... should you be thinking of the person who's thought of you so much and who you care about? or should you just follow your heart no matter how impossible it seems and follow through? But either way... even if you choose one, when the other gets hurt, it hurts you back just as much when you can't help but care about both.

I'll write more later with screenshots more. Too sleep and thinking too much right now. Sore ja mata kondou.

From Anime News Network:
Opening Theme:
"My Secret" by Saaya Mizuno
Ending Theme:
#1: "Yokan (Premonition)" by heidi.
#1: "Yokan (予感)" by heidi.
#2: "∞ (Mugen) Loop (∞ループ)" by heidi.

Taiyou No Uta ~ Movie ~ Thoughts and Reflections

Dec 06 2010 00:00 AM:

Taiyou No Uta, of all of Raiyun's collections I saved this movie till the end, and like all others, this too moved me very deeply.

This is the story of Amane Kauro played by "YUI" (singer/songwriter/actress) , a girl with a mysterious illness that has no cure.

Because of her ilness she can't go into sunlight, if she does it'll kill her. So she spends her life sleeping by day and singing out on the street by night, her one and only passion.

Her life changes when the boy she has liked, Koji, ( Takashi Tsukamoto) from a long time and been watching from her window finally has an encounter with her on the street one night. She expects him to turn away from her when he finds out about her illness, but the boy surprises her with an unweavering love.




All through the movie I was captivated. That sort of love is possible right...? The story doesn't always hae to be just a story, maybe somewhere in reality that's really happening. Watching love like this gives me hope to still believe in people and in love... even if they say it happens only in movies, but the movies originated from somewhere, and if there's someone somewhere who can think of such a beautiful love then that sort of love can exist too right? I hope to get the OSTs of this movie and then upload them here soon.

itsumo arigatou.

CLANNAD The Movie ~ Anime ~ Thoughts and Reflections

November 27th 2008 - 2:13 AM :

Clannad the Movie:

Just finished watching it, replayed and watched many scences many times, I still haven't watched the whole series yet, (was watching it on crunchyroll.com but the net speed at my new place doesn't allow me to even watch youtube videos let alone a whole series), was wondering if I was watching a spolier this way but the movie and series seem totally unrelated though almost all of the cast there, some are not part of this story though, (yes the cute but annoying presnce of Fuuko Ibuki as well not included), it's like a totally different thing altogether but somehow there's a resemblence.

This story revolves around Okazaki Tomoya and Furukawa Nagisa the most, unlike the series the lives of the other chracters isn't much highlighted except for wandering moments, Okazaki and Nagisa met at the start of school under the cherry trees as in the anime series and the same opening song started at the moment they met ("aaaaah, how nostalgic" I thought to myself) "kasaneta te to te no naka ni chiisana mirai ga mietara" I was suprised at how much I actually missed this song and this anime, when I started it, I was merely curious as to how this movie will be, was planning to save it for tomorrow so I can watch it in the afternoon (yes I literally eat up my anime and manga stock that I download from the decent net when I go back home, so fast that I'm out of things to watch or read by the time I go home on the weekeneds), but as soon as it went 3-4 minutes into it I knew I just had to watch it till the end (T~T) "there goes my night's sleep" I thought.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The story moves really fast withought giving one much time to get bored or wander off, you just sit on the edge (edge...edge2o9? oi Emil I'm thinking about you here xD I hope you're pleased) thinking what next? we see Sunohara in a bit different light this time, much more of a considrate person here than in the series, Fubayashi Kyo and Sakagami Tomoyo are like best frineds and always sticking together, Ibuki Sensei and her handsome electrion turned musician finace Yoshino is there too, Nagisa's parents are as affectionate and idiotically adorable as always, and they all make slightly different appearances than the anime making a Dango Daikazoku. Nagisa's working hard on getting the drama club up again, Ibuki sensei is the advisor for the drama club and only Tomoya and Sunohara are in it with Nagisa, Nagisa is doing a solo that consists of her dream that she's been seeing since she was little. Meanwhile Tomoya has been haunted by sad and lonly dreams all his life where he's waiting and looking for someone but doesn't know who and why, when he meets Nagisa that dreams moves ahead a bit telling that someone is waiting for him under a promised tree. So after a lot of things Nagisa is finally up on stage and acting out her dream with Tomoya doing the sounds and Sunohara doing the lights on Ibuki sensei's directions. As she goes on and on describing and acting out her dream Tomoya gets more and more anxious realizing it's just a replica of the dream he's been having all these years... when the play is over he runs to her and confesses to her that he loves her, they get married after she graduates and they have a child, but trying to give birth to that child Nagisa passes away

(HEY WHY ARE YOU STILL READING ! I TOLD YOU THERE ARE SPOILERS DAMMIT!)

due to her weak body condition and Tomoya is in utter despair feeling the real world had turned into the world of nothingness like in his dreams. The story is flashing back and forth between past and present being narretted by Tomoya. However after Nagisa's death, Tomoya has totally ignored the preciouse daughter Nagisa died giving birth to... 5 years have passed, his father who he despises comes one day begging him to not be like him like when he was when Tomoya's mother passed away and he left Tomoya alone with nothing but sad memories togrow up on, and that he's doing the same to his daughter, Tomoya pushes him out and cries alone... next morning Yoshino and Ibuki Sensei come and force Tomoya to go on a trip with them and drag him to their van without letting him utter so much as a complain, everyone else meet them on the way and get on a train and Ibuki sensei declairs they're having a retreat of the Dango Daikazoku, at which Tomoyo flares up and declares it's not that anymore since Nagisa isn't there anymore. They get off at the staition and Yoshino tells everyone to go in different directions and tells Tomoya to go to platform 2, when he goes there he finds... watch the movie and find out yourself ~_^

Final Opinion:

It was absolutely heart warming and touching, I was crying many times during the whole thing... the Clanned anime even though I haven't seen fully had the same effect on me, it was just so sad so touching so beautiful... I highly reccommend it to everyone. 10/10 A Visual Art's Key production work, when I first saw the anime it made me think of Air the anime, later I found out both are Visual Art's Key works...

Those black eyes...

Projecting many futures...

Even more than the glow of stars.

Standing here with a beautiful heart...

The soft light...

Facing me from the far sky

Shines on you

Although it will never reach you...

I will still make a wish here.

At the egde of the stark, white world...

The vocals flowing from far away...

Resounding brillliantly...

Upon my sleeping face.

My New Net and More~ Random Talk ~ Thoughts and Reflections

Okay, so I got my new net, it's from 12:00 PM till 6:00 PM IST (My Time), a Reliance Card Net, so yeah it's mega slow, a page normally takes around 5 mins to load even, and that too if the page doesn't have a lot of images, it's hard to upload images or anything, I was planning on launching my Fushigi Yuugi site finally after I get net but since it's so laggy and slow it won't let me upload my site to the server *cries*. Anyhow, for now all my posts will be imageless and I know it sucks, I hate it more than anyone else (=.=) shoganai ne... at least it's better than having no net at all (>.>).
For now I'm strugglig with me Moonlight Shadow Creations blog, I bought a domain name for it but I'm unable to make it work and connect, even though my dear friend Naki Chan of www.elezend.com helped me out and gave instructions step by step my brain is so poor that it can't even work even after that and I'm all confused (@.@) Just HOW do I make the stupid blog and domain name connect (T^T)!!! anyhow, I'm gonna make it work no matter what! If I'm gonna get anywhere with my designing career I'm gonna have to work hard and make my Moonlight Shadow Creations work!

So then... these days I'm just lazing about with not much work to do, of course I still have the cooking and stuff but I got a little maid to help me out with stuff so it's not that much of a trouble, I got a great view out of my balconey and it's all green! I'm alone almost all day so pretty much on my own, I spend most the time reading manga, watching animem, reviewing stuff, and making graphics and working on my Fushigi Yuugi site, yeah life's a bit better now ^_^

Oh and I got some great book on Japanese learning ^__^ wooooooh that felt good buying those books in the Book Cafe *hearts* the owner was giving me weird looks when I squeeled over seeing books on Japanese, lol must be a rarity for someone to get this excited over Japanese ref. books ^^;

Gah that feels good to have said all that ^^ until next time ~


OH YEAH! I wanted to say one more thing, To all of you who think you've left me behind, too bad, it's your loss, I'll continue at my own pace, in my own way, never ever giving up, as long as even one person believes in me, as long as I have something or someone I long for and believe in I'll still have a reason to keep moving forward without turning back to look at what I've lost, the people who matter, will never leave me, even if circumstances occur and we're seperated, I'm sure one day things will get better and we'd be able to look back at the hard days and laugh about it, so until then, I'll never give up. To all of you who have supported me throughout this time, arigatou... hontouni arigatou, you have no idea how much it meant to me... arigatou, it was cause you were there that I was able to go on even after all that pain and hardships and tears... arigatou... zettai wasurenai...

My Birthday ~ Thoughts & Reflections

My Birthday... went almost like before... every time when I start thinking it changed it just pops up at me again and again and again... my Birthdays really are the worst days for me... I spent 13th at my parents place, with my sisters and was on Maple Story till late, my BFF 0oGenesis0o gave me a friendship ring as an early birthday gift, I was to be honest, delighted, to have a BFF is a dream I always had and it never seemed to come true, close friends? I got tons, BFF? now I do. Then Nihita called me up and wished me like 4 hours before 12 am, I was so happy to hear her... then at 12 am the 14th of June ~My Birthday~ I was fast asleep and Kekati called up from Mumbai to wish me, that made me happy and a bit surprised. Then I got sms from Lee, my sisters, and Nihita after 12 am which I read the next morning, Lee's made me happy the most... was kind of unexpected lol... next day I was able to check orkut and many of my friends had wished me, that was so... I don't know... I was very very happy... some forgot... which was kind of sad since I was expecting from them... heh.. Great Expectations? then back on maple some of my friends had promised to give me NX and they backed out of it saying they don't even have enough for themselves, that was kind of disappointing since I had a lot planned for what I was going to do with it and I wasn't going to spend it all on me either... why promise me in the first place? not like I was asking you for it... you guys came and said that you yourself want to gift me it... anyways... my good old friend Tae San did give me NX but that was for a special event *^^''* so I can't possibly spend it on myself, ( *wails* "I REALLY DID NEED IT DAMMIT T~T SOMEONE GET ME A NEXON CASH CARD T~T" ) then Dorian gave me a Maple Shine Wand *no I'm a staff user though wands are pretty cool, staffs are way more romantic ~_^* and his brother chaos *next day* gave me a Maple Snowboard *yes I truly hate snowboards but that was a gift...* my dear Nii San... who I expected very much to at least wish me said "STFU NOOB!" and left it at that... sigh... I had a bad argument with hub... Kami Kun wished me and his kindness just made me cry even more... i spent the whole afternoon and evening crying alone in my room... what a way to spend a birthday... oh and Imu wished me really really sweetly, one friend who actually wanted to celebrate my being one more year older and noobier. The next day and today the friends who forgot, some of them wished belated wishes, Naki Chan not only wished me so sweetly she also gave me $5 to buy nx in my Paypal via my Donation button ^_^ I was soooo touched... she actually felt how sad I was feeling and tried to make me feel better... arigatou...
I checked into IMVU today and my Aniki *JD* had gifted me a Kimono that I had really wanted, and that too right on 14th! o.o... I thought he had forgotten... I felt so happy... he didn't forget.. and by the end of day I got an sms from Lee that the video that was violating my Amiboshi Wallpapers is removed from Youtube ! I couldn't feel more touched and blessed... arigatou otoutou...

all in all, my birthday didn't go very well, but it could've been worse so I feel grateful that the people who truly cared and remembered aren't just one or two... I still have much to be thankful about ^^;

MuchaKucha Daisuki ~ Manga ~ Shimaki Ako ~ Thoughts & Reflections

Sigh... finished it... I should've written like I always do, volume after volume or chapter after chapter... but it was just too... engaging... I couldn't stop till the last page... Here and now, I declare Shimaki Ako to be my most favourite mangaka after Watase Yuu... I read many of her one shots... liked them... loved them... then I heard about her most popular story, 'Mucha Kucha Daisuki/Love You Like Crazy' and finally found it and just now finished reading it. 5:10 PM IST, May 28th 2008, I was reading since the last two hours... all I wish right now is that poor Aoi would've gotten a little more time... like I've said before... death is.. so very very cruel... I just can't stop crying... there wasn't a single ecchi scene in this story... there wasn't anything ecchi in their relationship... I want all the people who think doing ecchi things is the essence of a relationship to read this... this is how it should be... this is how true love is like... things like that don't matter when you love someone this much... that's, what I've always believed in all my life and still do... at first I thought this was going to be like Kare First Love, but it turned out so beautiful... this is how I feel love is... Shimaki Ako's most beautiful work I think is this one... everyone, please read it, I'll try to upload it here on my blog so everyone can download it from here, for people like me who don't live where there's manga available to buy and cannot by online either, for people who believe in a love pure like this, for people who can continue to love with all their hearts that one same person, time after time... I'll upload it here for people like me... for people who can love this much no matter how much time has gone by...

1/3 no Kareshi ~ Manga ~ Ako Shimaki ~ Thoughts & Reflections

Read This Manga~

that was truly beautiful ^__^ I have lately gone into the habit of reading manga online *raises a fist in Naki-chan's direction* and it's very addictive!

This manga is a one shot, yeah just one chapter ^_^ I like short stories the best they're so cute and a good fast read for those in between moments when you're short on time and really feel like some decent read ^^ *is getting off track and knows it and is still being off track ._.*

So ANYWAYS, this manga starts with a girl in her final year of high school who doesn't have a boyfriend because what she wanted was a true lasting love. A guy she happens to come across who she thought was cool looking takes an embarassing picture of hers and blackmails her to come to him and spend time with him threatening her that he'll do 'something' with the pic if she doesn't come. She starts liking him after sometime and just when she finally thinks she's found the love she waited for things get messy as she goes into the junior division of the school and sees him talking to the boys there and stating "I don't like older woman". She puts two and two together 'he's from the junior division + he says he doesn't like older woman = he's just toying with her when she actually starts liking him' and stops going to meet him during lunch break like she usually did. He calls her up and demands her to come or else, and she runs off with a good mind of lecturing him and runs into the junior class asking for him and then she sees...

A beautiful and sweet read for anyone who loves this sort of thing *personally thinks everyone should read sweet stuff like this*

*SPOILERS AHEAD*



The thing about him being in love with her for five years... it really touched me... *readers are thinking "wth is she getting worked up over a story that's not real" and I actually though wouldn't it be so wonderful if real true love like that seriously exsisted? it must've been so painful for him all those five years thinking of that one girl only... it's really really painful... these days people actually give up on love after waiting for at most a year or two... five years is a very very long time to be able to still love someone just as much even after five years... it's such a painful and sad thing... totemo totemo surai koto... deshou ne Tamahome...

Zettai Kareshi/Absolute Boyfriend ~ Manga ~ Yuu Watase ~ Thoughts & Reflections

I Bloody HATE Yuu Watase ! that woman is doing this to me again and again in everyone of her stupid mangas! first she goes and kills of Nuriko and I cry for days just thinking about it, then she kills Hotohori as well T_______T........ then in Ayashi no Ceres in the end Tooya had to disappear and Yuuhi to take his place as the guy who'd be with Aya forever... I didn't hate Tooya T__T I was sad for Yuuhi but it didn't really had to turn out in Tooya disappearing without even getting to see his baby grow up... or to even see it being born T___T I cried all night that night when I read that dammed final chapter T__T

AND NOW SHE'S GONE AND KILLED OFF NIGHT !!! I HATE THIS WOMAN !!! I must be some sort of an idiot to be awake all night reading her stupid work even though I know it was gonna make me cry so bad that I shake and choke! it's 5:30 AM my time and I been up the whole dammed night reading Zettai Kareshi... I thought finally she could be happy with Night... I was feeling extremely sorry for Soushi but... this didn't have to end this way... she could've ended him up as a human or at least done something that would give a good happy ending... BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO the sadistic woman would not give me a happy ending T_____T what the hell am I doing at this hour of the night crying like an idiot T______T BUT THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO DAMN WRONG !!!!!!!!!!!!! Night didn't have to die... T___T fine Soushi loved her all along and Night was just a figure... but even still... he did love her a lot too... *there now I'm starting to cry badly again* and the part when Soushi told her about Night's letter and where Night's face appeared saying "don't cry anymore" waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I could just die !!!!!!! this is way more painful than I thought !! I BLOODY HATE YUU WATASE WHAT THE HELL IS THAT WOMAN THINKING REDUCING MY LIFE LIKE THIS !!!!!! T______T I don't think I'll ever be able to forget this manga... I hate Yuu Watase... she so knows how to really really capture a person's heart and make them feel just what the character is feeling... I'm not gonna review this manga... this will be my only review of it... if you wanna find out more just go and fine it, it's available on One Manga and you can read it online, otherwise torrent it like did... It's one of Yuu Watase's best work.... Fushigi Yuugi, Ayashi no Ceres and now this... no matter how much I hate this woman, I admire her soul more than anything... the way she's able to show people's feelings... in a way that it makes a person think of the characters as if they're real.... that's truly admirable...

I've learnt every possible way... love is just so painful... and still everyone loves... sometimes I have to ask myself "was it really worth all this pain all this time?" and then I feel from inside... yeah... it really was... I guess... one has to go through it to really feel the pain and the joy... I suppose I wouldn't have been able to feel that pain that grief that comes when you lose someone important if I hadn't lost my most important person... I wouldn't have been able to understand any one's feelings... the gentleness... the kindness... the warmth... the little things that don't matter to anyone but the people who're experiencing it... I'm grateful... if I'm able to connect with people now... if I'm able to truly relate to everyone to really feel their sadness or joy in my heart it's because of that one person who made me believe who made me understand... arigatou... because you showed me the way... because you guided me through it all... all because of you... all beacue you were there... arigatou... hontouni arigatou...

Ichigo Channel ~ Manga ~ Thoughts & Reflections

WRONG WRONG WRONG !!!!!! After all Tendo did for her T___T don't want Ichiko ending up with Kanzaki !!! I don't care if she loved him, Tendo loved her more ! and looks more classy than Kanzaki and is so much more caring towards her T___T and he actually loves her so much T___T ..... oh yeah... the manga...


So I started this thinking it's a cute manga but when I saw it's from Shoujo Magic I got myself ready for some seriously deep stuff *Shoujo Magic = the group that's also doing Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden *

It stated off by Ichiko tying to support her brother, who desperately wanted to become an idol, become an idol for a year when Tendo offered them the job, but he put in one condition, Ichiko will have to pose as a guy cause it's a three guy group called Trijet. So along with Kanzaki the guy that almost kissed her, and her brother, Trijet is born. As the series continues it gets hard for Ichiko to keep her female identity hidden because even though he hates 'number one', Kanzaki is falling for the female Ichigo and fast. The there appears a rival in form of Sousuke... *Nyaaaa I got the first thought about the Sousuke from Full Metal Panic!* and then when everything is turning right and things are getting along fine with Kanzaki and Ichiko... Tendo drops on her a bomb...

Tendo's Pic ~ The White Haired guy is him Thanks to the site for scanning and uploading these pics~

Another Tendo Pic ~

The thing with this manga was that it got me hooked from the very first page, I don't like slow mpving mangas that can't keep a person's interest for long, this one though, had me on the edge every second, I liked Kanzaki a lot *duh he's the main* but i don't know, I thought about Tendo from the very begging ... I mean even when Sousuku showed up it was like... I don't know Tendo stayed at the back of my mind all the time. Hmmm even though he tried breaking up Kanzaki and Ichiko I don't really mind that >.> *the type that goes for people who take the initiative* it's cause heck he loved her! I don't hate Kanzaki, he's nice and all but Tendo... T_____________T I WANT HER TO BE WITH TENDO DAMMIT !!!! Mangaka no baka ! sigh... I just... I don't think that... even if Tendo tried to break them up... I kind of understand that... I mean... if he can make her happy... why not T___T and then... she feels for hm too, even if Kazaki is the one she loves, she wasn't unhappy that Tendo loves her, for her Tendo was someone special who she didn't wish to lose... I kinda understand that feeling, being in a likewise situation myself... but it's just hard for that person... and well... it's a bit hard for your own feelings to focus that way too, you keep thinking is he the one or is he not? and keep getting more confused, when she sad she wildly wishes to see Kanzaki that moment after Tendo confessed to her, I kind of understood why... cause it was disturbing fo her... and because she felt like she likes Tendo and so it'd be easy to fall for him and so she needed Kanzaki to be there with her so she doesn't get misled by her own feelings... kinda sad... I was so desperately hoping that she'd end up with Tendo... Kanzaki could get many girls, heck he already had Yuki when he met Ichiko and wasn't he the one who first said he couldn't go out with her? and Tendo liked her from the beginning... it's wrong... and Tendo was way more passionate and caring than that stupid Kanzaki =.= yea yea I'm bias or whatever, I loved his character the most in the whole manga... at least Sousuke got Chizuru... poor Tendo is left alone T____T I HATE THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPD DAMN MANGA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh........ it's definitely woth a read 10/10 I love it! waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh poor Tendo *is busy crying now*

Ichigo Channel

I recommend this site to anyone who's interested in finding out more~

Chrno Crusade ~ Anime ~ Episode 24 ~ End

Episode 24... at least... they had the end they wished for... Chrno kept his promise... he ceased to exist along with Rosette... a lasting love... a pure love... that doesn't fade... doesn't wander... everlasting love... I guess... being able to be with the person you love... no matter in what condition... I guess that really is true happiness... being able to see the person when you open you eyes... being able to touch the person when you're so happy being beside them that you think it's a dream... being able to smile for that person and watch him smiling back to you... love... is so very simple...

Chrno Crusade ~ Anime ~ Episode 23

Episode 23... Rosette was finally freed... Chrno killed Aion... but both vanished from that place... when you love someone this much... so much that you can even doe for them... then why... why can't you be with that person... tsurai koto... if there was a chance to change what has been... I swear ... I'd never be weak... I'd never hesitate again... never... if I can get just one more chance... if I could turn the pages and rewrite... I'd leave everything for that person... I don't care if it's not the right thing to do... it's still... still what means the most to me... just once... in this life... while i can still feel... just once... onegai... onegai...