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Friday, April 1, 2011

Bokura ga Ita ~ Episode 1-4 ~ Thoughts & Reflections

Episode 1-4 :

I know I already properly reviewed it so it's just my personal thoughts after re watching it after over a year...

Before my drive which had my reviews until episode 17 crashed, around same time Lee told me Yano was like him, some unexplainable feeling kept me from watching it after that, I don't know why... I guess I got afraid to start something I won't be able to finish maybe... because at that time I was certain I'm gonna die, but after that I couldn't talk to him anymore so... I wonder if that will ever be able to change... Nao said... you're not talking to him because you choose not to. Chigau yo... I'm afraid is more like it, what if he says "anata mitai na yowai hito nante nee san nara iranai kara" I guess I want to hold on to my one and only little brother in my memory for as long as I can... I'm afraid of the mintue he says he's disappointed in me and doesn' need me anymore... Taka said... "talk to him, if he's really as you tell him to be, he'll surely understand". But I'm afraid still... I already know he doesn't need me anymore... but if he puts it into words I think something inside me would break into pieces so bad and so noisily that I wouldn't ever forget the sound of it and would never be able to fix it... kowai... I wonder, maybe when I'm able to fix everything else in my life, maybe then I can actually face him and talk to him like before, maybe then he won't be disappointed in me. hoshii katta... anata mitai na otouto, zutto hoshi kattanda... donna fuuni iereba ii no... donna kotoba de wakaru... konna kurushii hodo naiteru kimochi ga iya da ya... tada isshou ni itai.. kikitai.. aitai na no ni.. doushite ieru toki dake yowai... aitai.. totemo, itai hodo aitai.. tatta hitori no otouto da ya, suki da yo.. motto hanashitai, anata ni naitai, anata itsumo soba ni iru no ni doushite ima sakebi demo kikoenai... ...dunno... I've been thinking of him more and more as more time keeps passing, feels like the distance between us just keeps growing... who should I blame...

When you love someone, the tiniest things stand out too much, the simple change of tone, one second delay of response, one averted gaze, the tiniest thing manages to put you feeling like something happened or the person dislikes you or is upset at you, the tiny little things you don't notice about other people, the little things you normally ignore about others, you become so sensitive to it when it's that one person... scary... 4:53 AM 31st March 2011 (Wow, I been thinking so much behind time, I put in 2004 instead of 2011 lol..)


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